"Not tonight sweetie, I'm fat" And other great things about marrying a transwoman

Life with a transwoman is just amazing, most of the time. Sure we have our issues, some of them stemming from her and some of them stemming from me, but in general, life is good...and I am convinced that this is because, as an unconventional couple, we have license to be weird and unique. We also have weird ways of understanding-but-not-understanding what is going on with our other half. Following is a break down of all the things that just make life worth living...together.

1. "Huggle!!" - Amy generally is not interested in sex...she has other things on her mind and too many issues with her self-esteem right now. She is also very childlike in a way, and much prefers just being close to actually having sex. which is very nice sometimes...not so much other times. But no matter what, I can always count on one thing - huggle. Some couples call it cuddling, but I tend to think that huggle is more intimate than that...I've cuddled with a number of people over the course of my life and it's just *closer* with Amy. it's special. She's soft, I'm soft, and we love each other in that special way that makes a married couple a married couple. And if someone says "Huggle!!" you'd better haul your ass over there and huggle, already!

2. Manipulation? Me? - it is very hard to manipulate her into ANYTHING. In fact, I am seldom successful at talking her into things unless I am having a manic episode, at which point I can convince you to buy an ocean-front home in Calgary (There are no oceans in Alberta, for the record...It's like saying someone could sell you an ocean-front home in Arizona.) However, she is also unable to manipulate ME into anything. Although she does weaken to the unintentional cuteness that just comes out sometimes, she usually forces me to argue my point logically.

3. "Not tonight, sweetie, I'm fat." - OK to be fair, I have not actually used this exact line, though I have used variants of it. She understands body-image issues very well, which isn't surprising, given that she has the biggest body issue of them all. She may never fully understand what it is like to have cramps and bleed from your vagina for days on end, but if she reaches to pull my shirt up and I respond with "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" and curl up on the farthest corner of our king-size bed, she knows it's not the time. And since she seldom asks for reciprocation, I've only used "I'm too tired" and "I have a migraine..." once each, and I meant it both times. (She also knows that if I am wearing fuzzy sleepy-pants and a t-shirt that comes nearly to my knees that I am having a fat day, and not to even THINK about getting those clothes off me.)

 4. "Pokie!" and "No Pokie!" - This is kind of our inside joke. Pokie started out as a cute word for poke, and usually, it still is. "No pokie" came from me trying to say "Don't poke me!" while laughing hysterically. (I have a habit of running words together sometimes) However, "Pokie" has also become a cute word for...something else, and sometimes (Usually she's the one who starts it) a "no Pokie" joke pops up from the depths of somebody's brain. You tell me what other couple has the opportunity to do something like that. (And 95% of the time, she doesn't even get offended if I was the one that said it...though as I mentioned before, she usually at least starts it.)

5. Gas doesn't (usually) offend her - She grew up with mostly guys. She used to have to change in the boys' locker room at school. She has heard it all, and then some. So while I do my best to be delicate in public, if something slips at home, be it a burp or gas from other places, she doesn't even blink. Sometimes she makes a joke, especially if it's a bad one (Who hasn't opened their mouth to speak and let out an unexpected belch instead? Now, who's partner claps, and says "Bravo, you have succeeded in making our upstairs neighbours think we're hiding a guy in the closet"?)

6. She is not afraid of spiders, I am. I am not afraid of mice and roaches, she is. We are both afraid of ants, and there is a story behind that. Enough said.

7. She squeaks. Like a little mouse. At EVERYTHING. It's adorably cute.

8. Sometimes I have a 15-year-old daughter, without going through the pregnancy, infant, and grade school stages. her name is Amy, and she is also my 25 year old wife. Anyone who has ever gone shopping with a 15-year-old girl knows how fun that can be (And expensive, which is why we mostly go to Salvation Army and Value Village.)

9. Her parents never made her outgrow video games, but they more than likely would have if they had realized they had a daughter. Which means that I now know the joy of gaming.

10. When I was sick with a mild case of pneumonia and lost all the strength in my arms and hands, Amy took over and became both nurse, and opener of stubborn jars. Now that she is down with strep throat and I am slowly getting my strength back, I am doubling as nurse and opener of stubborn jars. But no mater what, there will always be that one jar that will give us hours of entertainment before one of us finally breaks the damn thing open.

11. I do all the basic maintenance on the car. She didn't know how to check her oil before I came along.

12. We both can hold our own with computers.

13. She's amazing at cleaning a house, I am generally a disorganized mess (For multiple reasons.)

14. She's not afraid to cry in front of me.

15. If I say "I'm fine." or "it's OK." she knows better, and won't leave me alone until I spill...because she does the same thing.

These may all seem like little things to an outside observer, but it's the little things that make life worthwhile. We have our tough times in our marriage, but I wouldn't trade it for the world...Who else would I find who can share these moments with?